Today rather than twisting myself into a pretzel trying to figure out which of my actions are right and which are wrong or will I hurt someone’s feelings or let someone down or do something stupid, I’m just giving myself permission to be myself. That’s it. Just me.
Trust my own feelings and my needs. Act from my own beliefs and not what I think I should do based on everyone else’s opinions or needs. I’m a good person. If I make mistakes (whatever the hell that really means) it’s ok. Lord knows I’ll make ‘em anyway. Might as well ease up on trying so hard not to. It’s a lot of work and I’m exhausted!
Funny thing is that Pretzel People like me usually find out that what we thought was so big and potentially horrendous was no big deal in the first place. Most of the people in our lives don’t even notice the change when we stop pretzeling – other than maybe noticing we aren’t so frazzled all the time.
So today…no pretzels. But what about tomorrow? Let’s just see how it goes today. No pressure. Hmmm…nice feeling.
And now…following that moving train of thought…just sent these lyrics to someone and decided they were worth sharing since they’re bouncing around in my head anyway:
Garden Party
(by Rick Nelson)
I went to a garden party
To reminisce with my old friends
A chance to share old memories
And play our songs again
When I got to the garden party
They all knew my name
No one recognized me
I didn’t look the same.
But it’s all right now
I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone
So ya got to please yourself.
People came from miles around
Everyone was there
Yoko brought her walrus
There was magic in the air
N’ over in the corner
Much to my surprise
Mr. Hughes hid in Dylan’s shoes
Wearing his disguise.
But it’s all right now
I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone
So ya got to please yourself.
Played them all the old songs
Thought that’s why they came
No one heard the music
We didn’t look the same
I said hello to “Mary Lou”
She belongs to me
When I sang a song about a honky-tonk
It was time to leave.
But it’s all right now
I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone
So ya got to please yourself.
Someone opened up a closet door
And out stepped Johnny B Goode
Playing guitar
Like a-ringin’ a bell
And lookin’ like he should.
If you gotta play at garden parties
I wish you a lotta luck
But if memories were all I sang
I’d rather drive a truck.
But it’s all right now
I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone
So ya got to please yourself.
I just love those lyrics. Sigh. Why is simply being ourselves so easy for some people and SOOOOOOO hard for so many others – including me! But for today…I am just letting myself be myself.
Wanna join me???
Oh…and by the way…it feels easier already. Except for this sudden hankering for pretzels.
——
For more on Ricky Nelson and a little about why he wrote Garden Party, here’s the Wikipedia article: Ricky Nelson
September 12, 2007 at 2:03 pm |
Why? If you want the answer, here it is:
It starts off with parents making us understand, many thousand times, that if we were just – not this (what we are) but more that (what they would like us to be), then they would love us. Eventually, that parent gets right inside, and hey presto, we don’t need them any more, we can do it ourselves, because we have them inside us – for life – saying: ‘THIS is not O.K. If only you… ‘
Magic, isn’t it?
And you know the really, really smart thing?: what they did to us – a few years later we do right back to our own kids.
September 12, 2007 at 2:13 pm |
Living life as a pretzel is not the way to go. I tend to live the complete opposite but that is also no way to live. There has to be a happy medium in life and I believe it begins with find yourself. I am in the process of a life altering process myself, you can watch my journey at http://www.45daysofhell.wordpress.com
Its about self-growth, brutal honesty, and taking things with a bit of humor. Did I mention I am cuting dating, sex, and booze out of my life for 45 days? You have break yourself down before you can build back up.
September 12, 2007 at 5:13 pm |
Nice. I love to read about people who are courageous enough to say, “I’m free to be me.”
Your blog of today reminded me of something I have hanging on my wall that’s called The Gestalt Prayer. I think you’ll like it:
I do my thing
And you do your thing.
I am not in this world
to live up to your expectations
and you are not in this world
to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I.
And if by chance
we find each other,
it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.
I’ve seen an alternate version to the last line that says, “If not, then not,” but it sounds a little cold.
September 12, 2007 at 6:21 pm |
The good thing about being yourself—unless your self is a total jerk—is that the people you attract as friends will be true friends who know and like the true you. And hey, if you are a total jerk, it’s truth in packaging and a fair warning that will keep everyone but fellow jerks at bay.
That said, people who generally act as pretzels can sometimes take on jerkish qualities when they overcompensate for their usual pretzelness. There’s a balance in there somewhere that comes down to being a decent human being without being a doormat. Don’t overthink how people might react to something, but don’t become the kind of person you don’t like by giving yourself license to say or do just anything.
And finally, regarding Mr. Nelson’s line “ya can’t please everyone, So ya got to please yourself”: I think it’s not just about doing what you damned well please—it’s really about being pleased with yourself. Being comfortable in your own skin is the most important step in being happy in the world. If you can do that, if you can like yourself, you will just naturally be the kind of person other people like without turning yourself into a pretzel.
September 12, 2007 at 6:48 pm |
Thanks for the great comments!
94stranger: Yes…you are so right. Those messages get embedded and take on a life of their own. But I’m a big believer in the idea that, once we become aware, we can choose to adjust our actions so that hopefully the next generation will have a few more passed on embedded messages such as”I trust you” “Your instincts are good” or simply “You are cool and I love you exactly as you are!”
45daysofhell: I’m all for the happy medium. Good luck on your journey. Each person has to find the path that works for them. Hmmm…I’ve cut out dating, booze and sex for years, but it wasn’t anything I set out to do. Just happened. (-;
marlajayne: I like that prayer a lot. My kind of religion.
Terry B: LOL. The nice thing is that even total jerks can find each other and be happy! Just play nice around me. I gotta say that I happen to know Terry B and he is the original poster child for just being yourself. And he is a dear, loving friend. You can be both.
Glad you expanded on the idea about pleasing oneself not being a license to run roughshod over people – it’s just being comfortable in one’s own skin. Still helps to be a nice person – just not to beat yourself up if you accidentally say something that gets taken the wrong way or if you can’t figure out the perfect solution that pleases everyone.
September 14, 2007 at 1:57 pm |
Just glad to see you here, blogging away. Happy you decided not to retire from the blogosphere. Have a beautiful day filled with
RA!
September 14, 2007 at 2:54 pm |
Hey MW! Never intended to retire completely from the blogosphere! I definitely will continue to post when I feel like it. Just had to back way off from the rest of the scene since I was spending too much time on WordPress. Sh! Don’t tell anyone but I still visit on cats paws and you’ll even see me again every once in a while in the comments. Wishing you a great day as well!
September 15, 2007 at 9:45 am |
OK. Mum’s the word. Cat paws always welcome.
September 16, 2007 at 8:47 am |
I like this: a pretzel free day. What an apt description. Ok, I’m in! No more contortions today!!!
September 16, 2007 at 1:27 pm |
Kind of feels like what athletes call being in “the zone”. So free. Just going with the flow. If I could only do with my body what I do with my head! (-;
September 16, 2007 at 4:03 pm |
September 16, 2007 at 10:20 pm |
RA, You sound alot like me from what I read here and thanks for the song. I have tried to answer over and over but got stuck on the words . There’s something seriously wrong in my word department lately.
(Waving hello to the folks here)
Much love today.
~ RS ~
September 16, 2007 at 11:15 pm |
Nice to see you Ruby! These words were absolutely perfect. I’m sure you and I have many similar thoughts and feelings despite what on the outside might seem like very different lives and interests. I think there’s a core inside us that links to others and hears the real words we might not even be able to say – nor need to say. So many times the words that come out of my mouth fall far short of what I wanted to say. Those who love us get that. Those who don’t…well you know the rest. (-;
Much love back at ya, grrrl!
September 17, 2007 at 10:08 am |
Hi Ronnie Ann,
Last I was here, you were taking a sabbatical.
Pretzel person, never heard it described that way before.
But very appropriate, I know someone like that.
Try this, http://similarminds.com/ –
it may tell you that that is just what you are.
How you were always meant to be.
Have you read Jonathan Livingston Seagull, by any chance?
September 17, 2007 at 12:17 pm |
Hi little indian! Nice to see you. FYI…I’m on modified sabbatical, meaning I blog once in a while but have cut way back on visits and comments just so I can get a breather. I do sneak into read your blog and others though, even if I don’t leave footprints.
Jonathan Livingston Seagull? Read it when I was in college when it first came out. Remembered it being very inspiring back then. One of the books that may have even influenced the very free flight of certain times in my life. As for pretzeling…almost everyone I know does it to some extent – especially women. Twisting our brains and actions around to please others to the point where our own voices and needs take a back seat.
And of course, that all gets mixed up with the very lovely need to be giving to others. How to balance that without twisting or losing ourselves in the process is the trick. Different times in my life have been more pretzelific – some time massive twisting, other times I flew. Even if you know who you are, it’s still easy to pretzel. I was using this post as a reminder for myself and maybe others who are similarly…uh…twisted. (-;