Icy gnarled fingers

Troll the edge of the wall

Half-frozen question marks

Poised at the precipice

Releasing at long last

With a great sigh

To grasp the vast emptiness.

——

Fellow blogger Patrick suggested I make some changes to a poem I wrote the other day. So for fun, thinking about what he said, I rewrote the poem with an eye toward less is more.

Better? Not better? All comments, suggestions welcome. A work in process for sure.

The first version:

The Edge of the Wall

Icy gnarled fingers

Troll the edge of the wall

A slow macabre dance

Creeping ever so tentatively

Around that corner

Poised at times like question marks

Then releasing with a great sigh…

To embrace the vast emptiness?

(Or maybe at long last to grasp truth.)